*sighs*
So, I figured I would just write in here.
I was feeling a little sentimental actually. Might as well take a little sentimental journey on here..
I don't know what it is, but once again, I'm feeling like I want to fall in love again. I don't know if I want to fall in love with "HIM", tho. Sure, I still have feelings for "HIM", but.. it's so hard for anything to happen between the two of us, yet he's so very dear to me. It just seems like we've drifted apart, something that seems to happen all the time with me... I just always thought we would be friends forever, really. I don't know. Maybe he started feeling the vibes that I started to consider more in our friendship, and he freaked. I don't know. I just don't want to lose him as a friend. He's been so amazing to me with what has happened to me in the past. He's listented to EVERYTHING for me as I have for him. Losing him just scares me really.
Lately, I just want to feel that special bond between two hearts. I just want to fall asleep in the arms of someone I really like, and then, I want to wake up before he does, and look over at him when he's sleeping and just smile. Then fall asleep again, cuddled up in his arms. That's what I want to happen this summer.
Love always seems to happen to me unexpectedly. I hate that sometimes. Ahhh!! That's what the word was for my personality! Not unpredictable. Unexpectedly. I guess that is true.. everything happens to be unexpectedly.
When I met Phillip, it was completely unexpected. I never intended to go to Kristy's party that night to meet him. Actually, I had hoped that I would end up convincing Chris that it would be a good idea to finally date me. Nope. That didn't happen UNTIL after Phillip and I started dating.
Tony happened unexpectedly as well. He had this huge crush on Marie, and I was just the 'oh, Mary, I'm so in love with Marie, but she doesn't love me, and nobody loves me, and I don't see that you like me at all' friend to him. Finally, I just told him I was sick of hearing him complain about his love her. One night I told him that there was someone out there that did like him for who he was. That did appreciate who he was. And there was definitely someone who did love him. He just had to to figure out who she was. I think it was the next night he tricked me into telling him that I liked him. The following night, he kissed me.
Unexpected a bit? I think so..
I sometimes hate that. Why?
Because I want to know that I'm gonna fall in love. I don't want to just show up to a party expecting something and ending up with something else. I want to go to a party, knowing I'm gonna fall in love with someone and fall in love with that someone. I guess I want to predict my life to some degree.
I want to walk out of my house once and say to myself "I'm falling in love tonight". And then, walk out of my house that night, and actually fall in love. What is so wrong with that?
Yea, I know, it's called reality. I have a little wee problem with that word. And concept.
*sigh*
"It's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life, won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new, don't know who you are, but I.. I am with you.. I'm with you... "--Avril Lavigne