The stars, they were suppost to be oh so bright. absolutely spectacular. but, after seeing you lastnight, I couldn't even stop to appreciate their beauty.
.. I feel hurt. kinda like I've been asleep for hours and hours, sleeping perfectly, and then, suddenly, I wake up from falling on the floor with a thud. Yes, I've hit my ass and my head from falling on the floor after a long long perfect sleep.
But, this time, I've hurt my heart.
.. I really hate when my hearts been hurt. I really do. As much as my ass and head hurts, my heart hurts more ..
I've been told my several people I deserve so much better.. that what he has done and is doing is wrong. but.. I guess I wanted to figure that out myself.. from the experience.
.. ahh fuck me. that doesn't make sence. I mean, here I found out what kind of person he is. and I'm going on and on about how I wanted to experience myself? what the hell!? Goddamn mary!
*rolls eyes*
I just wish.. I don't know.
.. I think this also has a lot to do with the fact that I hate being here. I hate camden. I hate living here. There's nothing here to offer. I mean, sure. It's a great little town. Quaint little shops and what not. But what in the hell is a great little town and cute little shops going to do for me?! nothing.. the colleges here are lame. I mean, I've never known a college to fuck up so much shit like the college I'm attending. And then, the guys here.. well, damn, they have been self-explanatory from the beginning of this diary. They are either rednecks who want to marry equally redneck trailer trash girls and then spend the rest of their lives here or you have sailors/marines who want to basically just screw 'em and leave 'em. I either don't fit the category or I don't want that kind of relationship.
.. so, basically I'm living in a place where there's really nothing to offer me. nothing.
I want to go somewhere different. Where I can explore new things. meet new people. attend bigger and better colleges.
..and right now, camden's not working for me.
I was telling rossy today that I've always wanted to experience that whole dorm room atmosphere... yes, I want that. Or, if not that, I want to live in a house/apartment filled with a bunch of random friends. I want something like that.
.. but I don't want that in camden.
Hmm.. I want something new.
.. exciting..
.. different..
*sigh*