*sometimes, I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach where I want to call you up and tell you that I absolutely despise you ... that I never ever want to speak to ever again.. I want to tell you that I hate you.. that all you do is cause this up and down roller coaster of emotion in my heart... It's not worth it, tho. Not worth one damn moment of my fucking time to say one word to you, sweetie. Not worth my precious time*

I'm hurting..

I hate him sometimes. I really do. But then, I can't say it to him. I just want to dial his fucking number and just say "Get out of my fucking life for good. Don't call me. Don't visit me. NOTHING." But.. there's something about him that just... I can't.

But, really? Is it worth my time to actually TELL him? Should I call him up and tell him to never talk to me again? Or should I just never call him back ever again? Or, when he calls to see how things are, just tell mom/dad or who ever calls just to tell them to say "yea... she doesn't want to talk to any more..." What? Yea.. I need some help...

I really don't want him in my life anymore. Right now, he's that part of my life I don't need, but the part of my life that I want for some odd reason.

AHHHHHH FUCK HIM!!!!!!!!!!

And yes, anyone who knows me on a personal basis, it's that fucker Tony!

Right now, I'm going.. I'm so fucking irratated with him I could scream ... I just want to .. ahh!!

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I AM
mary. 19 y/o. georgia. enjoys kissing. the rain. cold weather. sweaters. daria. monsters inc. being with friends. listening to music. the ataris. benji and joel from good charlotte. writing. the stars. holding his hand. johnny knoxville. sleeping in his arms.

RIGHT NOW
Time: 3:18 a.m.
Date: 2002-07-19
Listening: dashboard confessional
Talking to: rolland
Wearing: jeans, black sweater
Feeling: all sorts of wonderful..