or, maybe I'm just telling myself that.. yea.. that's what I'm doing! :P I tend to that a lot..
Last year, was THE best Fourth of July in my mind. It was how I had pictured it since I was a little girl... spending it in the arms of someone I really thought I loved...
Every year, Saint Marys has this huge fireworks display... huge, well.. not huge, let me repharse that... Saint Marys has what we consider a huge fireworks display, but what New York or Washington DC would consider very tiny... but, of course, I digress...
After perforing Leader of the Pack, Tony, Becca, Marie, Jason, Greggie, Stan, Lyndsay and I all walked down to watch the fireworks... Of course, everyone had something wrong... Marie was mad that Ry didn't show up, which we all knew he wouldn't... Stan was mad that Marie had broken up with him to actually consider falling in love with a "druggy"... Jason was... well, not mad.. he never was, really... Becca seemed to be unhappy because she wasn't with Travis... Lyndsay was sad because she didn't have anyone... Greg was "happy" in a sence because I wonder if he was "happy" because... of some "thing" *laughs* ... hehe.. That's my greggie Poooo...
Well.. me... I was just... sick.. Why? Because I get sick when I'm in love.. it's just a proven fact.. .I had fallen head over feet in love with Tony.. and the funny thing is, I just told Marie that morning I had fallen in love with this blonde haired, surfer-boy wannabe, punk-cutie skinny tall guy that I loved to hug and hold his hand... **note to foriegn, old and just new readers, Marie HAD a crush on him, but she never dated him... and Tony HAD a crush on Marie... ahhh.. the drama** Now... here I was... the fireworks about to start... we had already been to Disney World, so EVERYONE had noticed the MAJOR flirtations--the holding handings, the hugging, the kisses on the cheeks, the holding hands for LONG PERIODS of times, the jealousy--it was getting soooooooo stupid, really... we were getting mistaken for a couple now... soo.. the fireworks were about to begin.. the sky was getting darker... Tony was sitting next to me, trying to make Marie feel better about the whole Ry thing, and me, I was ready to throw up... I just wanted to turn to him and say "Fuck, I like you.."
Soo... Marie wasn't fixable... and he turned to me... put his head on my lap... and that's where he stayed... and he took put his hand in my hand... and we watched the fireworks... a piece of the firework shrapnel fell, and he gave it to me, and he said "Here.. I want you to keep this... to remember that we have ten days together... me and you... friends forever, you know?"
Right then and there, I almost threw up on his face... yea, that wouldn't have been good, you know? *laughs* Plus, that would've been his first sign I liked him... *he knew straight up that when I get sick around guys, that I like them*
We parted ways... Tony and I lingerd on a little.. and he asked his mom if he could spend the night at Jasons house.. *tho he stayed w/me instead* Becca instantly figured out that I liked him... like it wasn't that fucking obvious... So, Marie and I sat outside and watched the stars while she cried a bit about the whole Ry not showing up... she had hoped that he would be there so that he would kiss her as the fireworks played against their faces... I told her that would've been nice too... it didn't happen with either of us...
That's when he showed up...
.. and we all hung out..
... watched the stars...
This is where life was soo hard... because there were times where she would hurt me soo fucking bad... and this is where I wondered if he really did love me... this is where he hurt me too... sure, he would kiss me at night and hold me soo fucking close... but, still, he would flirt with her too... it was just fucked up, to say the least...
But, he did have his moments, when he would blow her off, and I would give him credit... and he did that that night... she went to bed WAY early, tho she wasn't suppost to stay that night... and around one a.m., Tony and I ended up going for a walk... and we held hands... and we talked... named stars after our fave names... **well, I did.. hehe** and then, we went to bed because I had to wake up early to watch my nieces and nephew...
Tony and I ended up falling asleep on my floor 'cause Marie fell asleep on my bed...
I fell asleep in his arms for the first time that night.. I have to tell you that I have never felt so safe in someones arms like his..
The next morning, Marie got in trouble with her mother for staying with us rather then going with us, and we played with my nieces and nephews outside... it was probably the most fun I've had in a long time... we fell asleep on my bed around noon the next day...
That next night... he finally told me he was falling for me...
Allll these memories are flooding back like mad, and in some ways, I'm missing them like crazy, but at the exact same time, I'm hating it more. The hot summer days and dreary summer nights are reminding me of the memories we shared, but I don't want to remember them sometimes. I want them to drift in and out of my life occasionally... not constantly...
At one point in my life, I want to smile when I think of that Fourth of July in 2001.. not tear up...
I guess, one day.. I will...