Have you ever gotten that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you think of possibly losing one of the most important people in your life? It feels like you just want to throw up all the emotion your feeling. You just want to get all the sickness of the cares and love you have for that person out of your stomach because you think if you throw it up, losing them won't be nearly as hard. Worst of all, tho, is the feeling you have in your heart. You can't throw up the feelings in your heart...You can try to cry away the feelings from your heart, but as much as you want they'll remain with you always... forever

Etched in stone...

Every day, I feel I'm losing "HIM" more and more. I wrote him lastnight, but I couldn't send it. I just saved it for a rainy day, I guess. For the perfect moment.

I keep picturing in my mind that maybe he'll just one day suprise me with flowers. He'll just knock on my door with out even telling me, and when I open the door, he'll simply say that he's sorry. And for some reason, everything will be ok. It'll go back to how it was a long time ago.

I'm a dreamer, what can I say? :)

I don't know what happened. There's so much I want to tell him, but they just can't seem to come out the way I want it to sound. Perfect, I guess. I want it to sound perfect. Nothing can be perfect, but when I write "HIM" I want everything to be perfect. I don't want to stutter or sound stupid, I just want to seem perfect. In his eyes, that is.

Here's a song that's just perfect:

"I'm tugging at my hair, I'm pulling at my clothes, I'm trying to keep my cool, I know it shows...

I'm starring at my feet, My cheeks are turning red, I'm searching for the words inside my head...

I'm feeling nervous, trying to be so perfect, cause I know your worth it, you're worth it.....

If I could say what I want to say, I'd say I want to blow you away, be w/you every night, am I squeezing you tooo tight? if I could say what I want to see... I want to see you go on one knee... marry me today, marry me today...

Guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say"

Avril Lavigne "Things I'll never Say"

Yea, was that not yet another perfect song? Wow..

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I AM
mary. 19 y/o. georgia. enjoys kissing. the rain. cold weather. sweaters. daria. monsters inc. being with friends. listening to music. the ataris. benji and joel from good charlotte. writing. the stars. holding his hand. johnny knoxville. sleeping in his arms.

RIGHT NOW
Time: 1:18 p.m.
Date: 2002-06-26
Listening: dashboard confessional
Talking to: rolland
Wearing: jeans, black sweater
Feeling: all sorts of wonderful..