I swear that I have sleep deprivation..
.. so my stars seem to be brighter.. they seem to be shining only for me.. I think that if a guy could pick a star out of the sky rather then picking a rose or a flower for me, I think there would be one huge smile plastered across these lips of mine for a very very long time.. a hand picked star.. just for me..
.. amazing.. simply amazing..
*sigh*
.. I've made a huge decision.. I'm taking my life back.. I've read back in the past few entries.. and I've realized that I've been giving.. giving myself to everyone as a listener.. but through this whole time I have not let myself sit down and relax.. I have not let myself be the one to complain.. I need someone.. someone to just rant off to sometimes..
.. it's time's like this where I wish I had a therapist..
*rolls eyes* I know, pathetic, huh?
That's it, guys.. I'm taking my life back.. I'm enjoying being single.. I'm enjoying being 19 years old.. I'm going to enjoy being fancy and free.. I have no children.. I'm not married.. I am probably the most independent one in my group... and you know what? I love it.. and from now on, I'm going to enjoy every god damn minute!
.. wow, even saying that makes me feel a bit better...
Just a bit.. I didn't say much.. just a bit..
I think once I'm down with that test tomorrow, I'll be less stressed out..
and once I find out my scores for the SAT's..
My stress level will be considerablly less.. CONSIDERABLLY!
... tonight was a mixure of good and bad.. I was just about to sit down to watch my Real World special.. because, yes, I'm an addict.. I'll be the first to admit this... always will.. when I got that phone call... I felt like the most idiotic person in the world after I got off the phone.. As I said in the last entry, I take pride in knowing when guys are misleading.. I usually can see it.. this time.. ahh.. this time, I didn't..
Wowsers, that pisses me off.. as much as I still care for this person, there is this bit of me that doesn't trust him.. and as much as I try to explain to a certain someone very very special in my life, I don't know if that person will every listen to me.. and you know what? That pissses me off as well.. that out of all the people in the world, she won't listen to me..
.. the night did get better.. the rain fell all around me, and you.. it fell around us... on us... and even tho the clouds were heavy, there was one star shining in the sky.. and it was for you and me.. pretty damn special, I do believe..
It's amazing how things happen... I was feeling like the world was crashing all around me.. and then, my world was lifted ..
I like that... I really do..
.. well, time for bed.. or, at least laying on my couch listening to jimmy eat world..
night guys...